Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. –proverbs 3:5-6
How do we do it? Does it get easier to lean completely on God’s will when it sometimes feels like your heart is breaking with impatience?
For a girl who has always had a love-hate relationship with surprises and a relatively expansive lot of trust issues…this has been a brutally tough pill to swallow.
I swear I heard you say I would have a big family…
I thought you meant here on Earth…
When did I become so jaded?
It’s so interesting to me that I used to think to turn it over to God meant saying “thy will be done” once and wah-la, my heart is light with peace and trust.
Nope, what it looks like for me is many times, hands and knees, a hundred times a day saying that same line…and sometimes it feels like rather than actually turning it over, I am just drowning out the fearful thoughts with a more productive, positive option.(??)
Some days I feel entirely overwhelmed with the heart that God gave me, and the adventure in which he plopped this heart into.
But on good days, and even in good moments, I am humbly grateful for this easily overwhelmed little heart…because for where it can be quickly dialed into overwhelm, it is also highly sensitive to the touch, sound, smell, sight and taste of joy.
So while I sit here, unclear as to why the path I have been given has been laid out in front of me, I remember and hold tight to the fact that I know I am loved…
…and maybe God is just waiting for my son to sleep in past 5 am, so I can get a little bit of sleep before he throws in another one…