thy will be done.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. –proverbs 3:5-6

How do we do it? Does it get easier to lean completely on God’s will when it sometimes feels like your heart is breaking with impatience?

For a girl who has always had a love-hate relationship with surprises and a relatively expansive lot of trust issues…this has been a brutally tough pill to swallow.

I swear I heard you say I would have a big family…

I thought you meant here on Earth…

When did I become so jaded?

It’s so interesting to me that I used to think to turn it over to God meant saying “thy will be done” once and wah-la, my heart is light with peace and trust.

Nope, what it looks like for me is many times, hands and knees, a hundred times a day saying that same line…and sometimes it feels like rather than actually turning it over, I am just drowning out the fearful thoughts with a more productive, positive option.(??)

Some days I feel entirely overwhelmed with the heart that God gave me, and the adventure in which he plopped this heart into.

But on good days, and even in good moments, I am humbly grateful for this easily overwhelmed little heart…because for where it can be quickly dialed into overwhelm, it is also highly sensitive to the touch, sound, smell, sight and taste of joy.

So while I sit here, unclear as to why the path I have been given has been laid out in front of me, I remember and hold tight to the fact that I know I am loved…

…and maybe God is just waiting for my son to sleep in past 5 am, so I can get a little bit of sleep before he throws in another one…

 

18118894_10103939403051559_2979140679815537488_n.jpg
out like a light at 8:45AM

 

much love,

Jen

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “thy will be done.

  1. Oh sweet friend, We don’t know Gods plan, but im finding that often times his plan is the better one. Even if we dont see it in the moment. That big family will come in time but in his timing. Trust and allow those times on your hands and knees to bring you the peace and joy you need in that moment. Love you big!

    Like

  2. I have been in your shoes. Scratch that. We wear the same shoes. It took us 5 years and almost a dozen losses to meet our second baby. I had dubbed last year the actual “last year” of “trying.” It was becoming too hard. THe losses were too many. We joined an adoption agency. I figured last year would be like all the rest. Become pregnant. Lose the pregnancy. Become pregnant… hear it’s healthy… lose the pregnancy. Become pregnant… I think you get the point. Anyhow, last January we became pregnant. I responded in my usual way, “husband… I left something on the counter.” He sees it. Says, “Preliminary congratulations.” I say “thank you. But I don’t want to talk about it.” I did not talk about the pregnancy for almost 8 months. At 8 months I said “I think we are REALLY having a baby!” It was this very heartbreaking and joyful moment for us both. Our baby was born, healthy and strong. THe nurses said I held him for an hour before I let anyone else near. I don’t remember holding him for that long… it felt like an instant. THat’s my story. I share it to give you hope and for you to know that you are not alone. There is a band of sisters beside you on your journey. Quietly standing near. You are in my thoughts. I am certain that in some way, some how, you too will get to meet your rainbow baby.

    Like

    1. sweet girl…I wish we could meet face to face and hug. Thank you so much for these encouraging and brave words Kari. It’s so funny how God brings people into our lives, and I am so grateful that you are in mine in whatever capacity we get. Congratulations on your beautiful baby 💗 So much love to you and your family.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s